someone threw a dead crab at me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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