Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
