i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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