I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
