is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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