So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
