I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
