He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
