everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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