So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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