You work out of a Hotel?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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