Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
