I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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