Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
