Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
