??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
