im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
