MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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