I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
