worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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