im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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