you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
