Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
