Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm at about main and main street
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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