I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's shark week go big or go home
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
