i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
