how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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