I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
