Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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