so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
