Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
