oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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