It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
