Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just threw up on my dentist
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
