wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
