her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
