Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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