Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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