Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
