Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
