Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
my being single is dangerous.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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