I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
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