he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So squirting runs in the family.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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