guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
