You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
