Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
