She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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