I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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