Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
