holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
