I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
