All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
