I heard we made out
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
