ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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